Transformers: The Novel

Here, as promised, is a review of the novelization of the upcoming film Transformers, written by Alan Dean Foster:

It's pretty shitty.

You don't really want details. I was thinking of doing this sorta tongue-in-cheek type review of it, where I open up with a quote from Flaubert or Faulkner and quote from the book and, you know, take it seriously as a way of poking fun. But yeah, it's just substandard fantasy/sci-fi writing draped over an action movie screenplay. The prose itself is overwrought and strains to be clever, the action sequences are confusing and poorly described, and the characters are barely there. It's a Michael Bay plot without any explosions -- an amusement park ride that turns out to just be a description of what would happen if you chose to take the ride. The fact that I spent a grand total of seven bus rides out of my life reading this makes make me sad like when Optimus Prime died.

For tomorrow: Man Vs. Wild vs. Survivorman: two survival shows enter, one survival show leaves.


I've done this before, kept a blog. This time it will be a different creature, though, because I'm going to be serious about it. The last blog, it was more a big sandbox that I played in, and while it was fun, sometimes the cat shit in that sandbox. This time, the blog is going to be a quiet room with leather furniture and heavy-bound books and thick, rich sunlight dazzling through slowly falling motes of dust. It will represent an important step for me, both as a person and as a writer, as a chance for me to step away from the ephemera and trendy dispassion of my youth, and move towards a future in which I am fully engaged, fully awake, and fully alive to the possibilities of my words and my world.

Coming up for Monday: a review of the novelization of the upcoming film Transformers by Alan Dean Foster.